A scrambled scribble of hodgepodge scraps, ragbag thoughts, an all-around mishmash about pens, inks, books and…well, whatever
Monday, May 21, 2012
Fleas, Cats & Whips
Saturday, April 16, 2011
@!%!**#@#!!
Not easy to know what the local idiom of waterfront sailors and back alley cutthroats was a hundred years ago, but chances are good it was far different from the language heard in polite circles. We could say the same for the language differences in society today. There are always going to be those who use a rougher manner of speaking, as well as those using the more polite words and forms. And just as we might assume a roughneck is going to speak in a rough way, the bankers and lawyers more eloquently, we can also recognize that some cultures use foul language less than others. Japan is one of those cultures where foul words and cursing are rare. Bad words there are, but they aren’t thrown around like they are among Americans. I found a note stuck under the windshield wiper last week when I returned to my car parked in an ordinary and perfectly legal parking space: ‘You #!!*&✴$@!% !! You think your *%$!# don’t stink. You’re a &*#{!@^?!#$!!!!’ %^?*@! off! I got in my car wondering if maybe I had run over their cat, or maybe their grandmother. Obviously, whoever left the note on my windshield had no other way of expressing their anger and frustration.

I’ve always admired people who use language well. Some people are better with words than others. There are also those blessed with a quick wit that produces in many cases an unanswerable stab. History is full of people with a talent for the quick verbal kill. You would have likely seen Noel Coward chomping on a leg of Kentucky Fried Chicken as spitting out curse words, but he was razor sharp when it came to repartee or disagreement.
I got one of those email forwards from a friend last week, probably another of those globetrotting forwards that seem to live in perpetual orbit. Honestly, I was glad this one finally made its way to me. The lead-in said, ‘glorious insults from an era before the English language got boiled down to four-letter words.’ Some of them may be familiar, but they’re good enough to be repeated more than once or twice.

Lady Astor once said to Winston Churchill, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” Churchill’s reply was, “If you were my wife I’d drink it.”
Clarence Darrow admitted, “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
About Ernest Hemingway William Faulkner commented, “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
Oscar Wilde speaking of someone, “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
Irvin S. Cobb said about another, “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
Songwriter Stephen Bishop once quipped, “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
Billy Wilder speaking probably about a soundtrack composer, “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
Upon leaving a party Groucho Marx tossed out, “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
George Bernard Shaw once wrote to Winston Churchill saying, “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…if you have one.” In response Churchill wrote, “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…if there is one.”
Thanks to Shelby for sending this funny list of literate and pre-four letter style of communication.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Small Thoughts


A vague murmur at the back of my mind warns that somewhere in the back pages of another Scriblets post is a story on the curious miscellany of Ben Schott. There are two volumes of Schott, each 158 pages and containing what journalist and author Stephen Fry called, ‘A fabulous collection of essential trivia.’ The first is Schott’s Original Miscellany (2002) and the second Schott’s Food & Drink Miscellany (2003). Amazon shows a new edition, Schott’s Quintessential Miscellany scheduled for release in August of this year. With so many pages of ‘little things’ to choose from, perhaps I can manage not to repeat anything from an earlier post.
In the first of the Schott volumes, on the very last page of the book a quote from Samuel Johnson admonishes: ‘There is nothing, Sir, too little for so little a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible.’
THE CURIOUS DEATH OF BURMESE KINGS:
Thienhko was killed in 931 AD by a farmer whose cucumbers he ate without permission. Thienhko’s Queen, fearing civil disorder, smuggled the farmer into the royal palace and dressed him in royal robes. He was proclaimed King Nyaung-U Sawrhan, and was known as the ‘Cucumber King.’ He later transformed his cucumber plantation into a spacious and pleasant royal garden.
In 1423 Razadarit died after becoming entangled in the rope with which he was lassoing elephants.
Nandabayin laughed himself to death in 1559 when informed by a visiting Italian merchant that Venice was a free state without a king.
SEVEN WONDERS OF THE ANCIENT WORLD:
(1) The Great Pyramid of Giza near the ancient city of Memphis, (2) The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, a part of Nebuchadnezzar’s palace on the banks of the Euphrates (3) The Statue of Zeus at Olympia, (4) The Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, (5) The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, (6) The Colossus of Rhodes, and (7) The Lighthouse of Alexandria built by the Ptolemies on the island of Pharos.
SOME NOUNS OF ASSEMBLAGE:
a murmuration of starlings
a wilderness of monkeys
a bench of bishops
a murder of crows
a barren of mules
a business of ferrets
a drunkenship of cobblers
a clutch of eggs
SOME WORDS FROM OTHER LANGUAGES:
Malay—Quick! Go and fetch me the ornate bamboo caddy, or I will run amok in the compound wearing nothing but my gingham sarong.
Arabic—The admiral in the alcove, while sitting on his sequin sofa dreaming of harems, should fear the assassin rather than seeking solace in the alchemy of alcohol.
Sanskrit—The pundit and his guru were repeating their mantra, hoping for nirvana, when some fool ruined their karma, chipping the crimson lacquer on the chintz.
A PARADOX FROM OSCAR WILDE:
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.
FORMER US PRESIDENT GERALD FORD ON LUNCH:
The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful, and a snootful at the same time?
COLONEL SANDERS:
Kentucky Fried Chicken’s founder Colonel Harland Sanders (1890-1980) was a man of many jobs: farm worker, streetcar conductor, soldier, railroad fireman, lawyer, insurance salesman, steamboat ferryman, tire salesman, service station operator and cook. Sanders perfected his ‘secret blend’ of eleven herbs and spices at a service station in Corbin, Kentucky in the late 1930s, and in 1964 he sold his six-hundred strong KFC franchise for two million dollars. Sander’s title was not military (he was only ever a private), rather it was from the Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels, bestowed on him in 1935 by the Governor, Ruby Laffoon.
About Me

- Bleet
- Oak Hill, Florida, United States
- A longtime expat relearning the footwork of life in America