Snap, Snarl, Go to Hell

Now what could bring a person to act like that?

Not the first post written about HOA problems, and what draws me back to the subject is the realization that uncomplimentary behavior is the identifying mark of too many property owners looking to sound off about their opinions in a tidal wave of recrimination aimed at elected Board members, and anyone else who gets in the way. Not much different from the name calling that characterizes Washington politics.

Since my term of office on the HOA Board of Directors expired, and running for election a second time the last thought in my mind, staying away from Board meetings has been the norm. On a couple of occasions something on the agenda has drawn me back, but only for a portion of the meeting time. A full length HOA meeting no longer fits into the lifestyle I would describe as temperate. Some people enjoy conflict, enjoy trading nasty comments, the gnashing of teeth and the less than circumspect baring of naked emotion. Unfortunately, in the case around here, it continues to be one contingent against another, old Board members trying to force their way of thinking onto new Board members; unelected candidates aggressively trying to find a place on the decision-making panel.

Flush in the middle of a scenic paradise seethes a grumbling and backbiting among people who apparently have little else to do with their time. But no, let me amend that. There are also those who have no idea what’s going on, never read communications from the Manager’s Office and or the Board, and rarely show a face except for the rare appearance at a Board meeting to indulge in some browbeating and goading. These are people Dracula would see coming and turn around to go the other way.

Everyone has an opinion and certainly when conditions allow, it’s satisfying to see policy or plans settled in agreement with your opinion. If things don’t happen to work out in your favor, then why not accept it graciously and hope that the decision you opposed doesn’t turn out badly? Why work behind people’s backs with insinuating email and endless repetition of the bad in settled decisions? What kind of person writes nasty letters, leaves them unsigned and mails them out to the membership?

Thinking about running for the Board of your HOA? I would suggest instead a tall glass of hemlock. It would be less trouble.

Keep Your Distance

Most of us choose to be around people who bring some light and laughter to the days, friends or acquaintances thoughtful and sympathetic to others, who make their presence if not a comfort then at least harmless. Not to say that everyone can be sunshine and smiles in every instance, but few are willing to tolerate unrelieved negativism.

For the past seven months the third Saturday of each month has turned into the kind of day that approaches with ominous forecast, one that adds anxiety to the Friday before and regret to the Sunday following—It’s board meeting weekend.

For many years I lived among people in another country who would do almost anything to avoid confrontation. Acquaintances, co-workers and neighbors wouldn’t dream of insulting others in a gathering. Disagreements on policy or procedure discussed without red faces and snarling frustration, meetings calm and unthreatening and differences of opinion respected without ill humor.

Three, four, five different friends warned me of getting involved with boards and home owner associations. Each friend recounted their own experience (little of it good) and recommended keeping a distance. I listened but didn’t take their advice. How I wish I had.

And so on the third Saturday of these past months I’ve found myself entangled with neighbors who value control over conciliation, brashness over self-effacement. The distressing (and difficult) part of it is the discovery that I am member of a community that includes neighbors who embrace critical behavior as a normal part of socialization. Would be ridiculous to hold myself up as a paragon of social graces, as someone admired by all and full of unselfish graciousness. On the other hand, allow me the hope of being one who offers reasoned and benign opinion instead of hurtful snipes.

Sometimes I miss Japan.