Keep Your Distance

Most of us choose to be around people who bring some light and laughter to the days, friends or acquaintances thoughtful and sympathetic to others, who make their presence if not a comfort then at least harmless. Not to say that everyone can be sunshine and smiles in every instance, but few are willing to tolerate unrelieved negativism.

For the past seven months the third Saturday of each month has turned into the kind of day that approaches with ominous forecast, one that adds anxiety to the Friday before and regret to the Sunday following—It’s board meeting weekend.

For many years I lived among people in another country who would do almost anything to avoid confrontation. Acquaintances, co-workers and neighbors wouldn’t dream of insulting others in a gathering. Disagreements on policy or procedure discussed without red faces and snarling frustration, meetings calm and unthreatening and differences of opinion respected without ill humor.

Three, four, five different friends warned me of getting involved with boards and home owner associations. Each friend recounted their own experience (little of it good) and recommended keeping a distance. I listened but didn’t take their advice. How I wish I had.

And so on the third Saturday of these past months I’ve found myself entangled with neighbors who value control over conciliation, brashness over self-effacement. The distressing (and difficult) part of it is the discovery that I am member of a community that includes neighbors who embrace critical behavior as a normal part of socialization. Would be ridiculous to hold myself up as a paragon of social graces, as someone admired by all and full of unselfish graciousness. On the other hand, allow me the hope of being one who offers reasoned and benign opinion instead of hurtful snipes.

Sometimes I miss Japan.